What Would Your Mama Say?—The value of civility
January 27th, 2020 by admin
WHAT WOULD YOUR MAMA SAY?
It was Pete Sparks' idea.
Pete Sparks lived down the street from me when I was just a boy. He was a year older than me, so he of course knew a lot of things. One of which was the way to get to the Valley Bell,where one could get an ice cream cone for five cents.
The problem was you had to cross West Washington Street toget there, and this road had a lot of traffic. My mother told me I should never, ever cross that street without an adult. Which admonition worked pretty well, since I was not old enough to know how to do that anyway. Until I met Pete.
Pete asked me to go with him to get an ice cream cone one lazy summer's day, in that age of relative innocence when kids were safe roaming their neighborhood/ but I told him I was forbidden from going across WW Street. What would my mama say? After several refusals even to consider such a trip, he added that he would spot me the nickel.
I remember to this day the look on my mom's face when we walked out of the Valley Bell and she was standing there. What started out as an ill-advised trip was followed by the most memorable punishment I ever received.
The painful but important memory of this story has stayed with me after all of these years. Mothers, after all, were one of my generation's most relevant bell weathers of proper conduct. My mom's careful instruction taught me an important question to ask about all manner of issues—what would she say about this? And it has been, for all of its simplicity, a good travelling companion, especially since that time of innocence and expected civility is long past us.
In this age of growing and sometimes harsh words and actions among people, what would my mama—and your mama, too— say today about such things?
Experts who focus on the effect of the growing incivility of our times will tell you it comes with a price. Clear experiences show that how you and your staff respond to clients, and to each other, can sometimes have a negative impact on your bottom line.
Years ago I was hired as a lawyer by a national company which had all manner of business interests in our area. As a hard driving company/ they had spun through a number of really good law firms, and our firm, our good service, and great results hit a sweet spot with them. But a youngish underling routinely called our office most Mondays to bless us out for what she suggested we were NOT doing, despite our success in every facet of their work.
I thoughtfully complained a number of times to the company's management about the unwarranted sarcastic tone and always-harsh comments of this pipsqueak caller (I am cleaning up my characterization a bit, as my mama would want me to do), but it was to no avail.
After some months, and a growing negative impact on our office personnel, I finally wrote management and said we could not work with their company any more. It was a hard letter to write, because this was a really well-paying client, and we were then a small firm, not long on regular clients. I had some trepidation about this step, and the client was shocked we were, in effect/ firing them. But it was Just not working for us.
It is the only paying client I ever let go. But we soon realized it was the best decision we possibly could have made.
This is the experience of most companies, in fact. The negative impact often anticipated rarely materializes.
The value of this lesson works another way, too. If you are angry, sarcastic or uncivil in your tone with a client, you have crossed in a figurative sense your own West Washington Street. And you will NEVER know fully the negative impact which flows from it, with that client, and other prospective clients you will now never get.
The same logic applies when an organization worries about the possible negative impact from firing a rain-maker or otherwise highly qualified problem person who regularly uses an uncivil tone with co-workers. Pundits agree on this: sometimes you just need to let that co-worker go.
What I've learned about life on the way to the courthouse (and from our mamas, too) is this:
If you have a contentious client or a difficult employee, remember the smart money is on the one who addresses the issue squarely and fully when it is in front of them. This is true even if that person generates a lot of business for your organization. Sometimes you just have to make a hard call.
Be mindful as well that your own harsh comments and tone cost you in ways you may not fully realize. In your business, for sure, but in the overall coarsening of your interaction with others. If you use a harsh and uncivil tone your mama (and mine) would find is out of bounds, you are crossing your own forbidden street, as I did all of those years ago.
Posted in: On the Way to the Courthouse